Topic: Is it really Alexithymia?

English Alexithymia Forum > Questions and Answers

Is it really Alexithymia?
19.03.2019 by Yu_RO

I'm pretty sure this is a common question. I'm just not sure of whether I'm just being a typical teenager or if I really have alexithymia.

I have always been a weird child, or at least people tell me so. It wouldn't really shock me if I had emotional blindness, it would actually explain a lot... I consider myself capable of feeling emotions, however, I tend to turn most - if not all- negative emotions into anger. I really don't understand sex (It's odd because i simply cannot see the point in letting someone insert an object in your body for PLEASURE, because, isn't it supposed to hurt?) ,and I really hate physical contact. The few times I've let someone touch me in a "romantic" way I felt awfully odd and awkward, it was a weird sensation, hard to describe, liking and hating it(?) I don't like hugging people, and when I'm forced to its awkward. In other words, please talk to me about anything (even math) before talking about sex or romance. I've always been pretty insecure, and i find it surprising that people actually like me, i don't think I'll fully believe them anyway. And I always try to think logically instead of thinking with my "heart", even when it comes to a romantic relationship (because, feelings can be stupid sometimes and get in the way??)

I'm not sure what elsw to write. I just hope someone answers me...

19.03.2019 by Will1234

I understand what your feeling, I’m a teen and have come to the conclusion that I’m alexithymic with autism too. If you have any other symptoms of autism you might want to check that out.
I hate light touch like a stroke but have a very high pain threshold so for that reason I play Football at the weekend which I can release all of my unexplainable emotions.

I’m supprised people like me and now I don’t tend to believe them when they say they do as I’ve had to deal with a lot of rejection.

I feel stuff but I often can’t classify or understand as well as express.

12.11.2019 by aletteinthemaze


Do you recall any intense experiences in your childhood that were inappropriate and sexual in nature? Someone touching you or doing something to you physically that you can identify as sexual? Do you have parents who openly talk about sex with you? You don't write as though you do (sad that so many parents omit the sex talk. In fact, it's not a sex talk. It's a life talk. Children ask questions about sex as they get older and the answer should evolve).

What is it that people think you do/say/act that they think is "weird?"

Hating physical contact as a teenager could be happening if you have suppressed memories of being touched inappropriately. It could also be a trauma / coping response to feeling rejected by your peers or the opposite sex (this is mostly on an unconscious/subconscious level, so you might have an urge to say back, "I don't think that" but that might be your conscious mind, not your subconscious.

I'm 51. Woman. Who I am today is night and day compared to 17, 22 , 27, 30, 45, 49... Lost my virginity (barely) in the front seat of a car with a guy I didn't know (at 16) because I was the only virgin in my group of friends and they said it was "uncool." Mid to late 20's, I realized I was actually quite attractive (unlike what I was told by the mean girls in school who I now understand were jealous, but I believed them when they said I was ugly) so I had a fantastic sex life with my pick, raped at 30 after being drugged (something in my drink), and shoved into an SUV by two men. Friend I was with gave up the chase and went home (didn't call police). I never reported it (shame, just like they say you'll feel) and a 3 year old child at the time. I swallowed all that pain. Dated a psychopath at 31 for 4 years (a real one) who could convince you that the sky was green. That did me in and I remained celibate for 9 years and convinced myself that sex was "ewe" and didn't want anything to do with it. It's a coping mechanism. Maybe you have alexithymia, maybe you don't, maybe you have a combination of things that are impacting your self identity and causing you to question everything about yourself. Please hang in there. You're so young. The world does suck at your age so not gonna tell you it doesn't, especially if you lack a support system (family system) and friends that truly care about you (I was not popular and thought it was because I was ugly when I was a gorgeous little girl - they just hated that but I was too young to know and didn't have a support system to encourage and protect me physically and emotionally). Life doesn't feel like life until you're out on your own and then you realize that all those years, you were conforming to what everyone else projected on to you (and if you've been abused and/or neglected, that's going to impact you later in life too). The mind is a magical machine. What it does for us when were young, it does in order to help us make it to adulthood. But the same things that helps us as children become toxic to our emotional and relational well being as adults if not recognized and worked.

Nothing can be avoided (feelings, trauma, emotions). Even if you don't feel emotions or feelings (there is a difference between emotions and feelings), they are happening and they become trapped in your body energetically. Anti-depressants will keep you from feeling the heaviness of them but the moment you stop taking them, all the feelings you didn't feel come flooding in like a tsunami.

Do you read/learn much on topics about the mind, emotions/feelings, etc.? I can't say I was that interested as a teen so I don't want to recommend books if you're not into that yet. I hope you hang in there. Shoot me your birthday and I'll send you your birth card info (astrology).

16.01.2020 by Ely_Nog

Hi. I know this might not be your topic guys. You i been searching and searching so much about this topic and trying to find to connect with people so i can understand more. (And not much about this out there)

I have bf who happen to have alexithymia. I didnt know about this condition and he also didnt know. At first was totally diffent because i fucked up by seeing him with the eyes i look at "people with emotions" and i fucked it up. But i did my home work and realized what what happening.

So my question for you would be. If i was a friend or someone who cares in you life.

What do you wish they did to make things better and more enjoyable.

Btw. This condition is a curse and a bleesing but more bleesing them curse. U guys arent missing much cuz people with "feelings" suck.

12.02.2020 by FireNrain

Ive been having dreams lately that convey the message that my emotions are blocked, unreachable, or unexpressed. After a bit of research it led me here. I took the test and scored 116, Im assuming thats high, but not extremely high. I believe my emotional indifference is a combination of my nature and my life experiences, how I coped with my life.

Im posting here to simply describe how I think of emotions. I find them useful for survival, communication, and socail/personal growth. Obviously, even to me, it seems like a cold blooded and logical view on something that's supposed to be "feely" like emotions.

I also find it very hard to empathize. Its more complicated than just a lack of empathy however. To describe it further, I can almost always recognize and understand when someone is suffering through emotional issues, even when it's not super obvious. I just empathize through self reflection, which on its own, I believe to be standard and normal. What is different, in my opinion, is my personal self reflection itself. When I try to empathize through self reflection it comes out as indifferent and lack of caring because I am indifferent towards most emotions, and I cast them aside and quickly move on.

To me, I feel like its not a crippling issue, I seem to enjoy the way I think in a logical point of view. However an idea has struck me lately that emotion is inspiration and motivation. I suffer from a lack of motivation and it may correlate with my indifference and ever so critical and contradictory beliefs that are strictly logical, not personal and by no means very emotional. In my eyes, problems arise when one does not recognize they are different in regards to emotions, and therefore puts no effort in trying to strengthen such a "blind spot."

To end off my rant, Id like to address the question, "what do you wish they did to make things better and more enjoyable in life?"

Coming from me, with mild to average alexithymia, I would wish for a lot of communication on a level where you communicate your emotions very simply. Almost a step-by-step analysis, and doing so calmy and rationally, without becoming frustrated. But simply seeking to understand me as much I would like to understand you. I dont have issues with touch, I love touch. Although it depends, I'd much rather be touched by a significant other than family or friends, so I generally cannot relate to that aspect.

Always remember, we come off cold, but the condition seems to relate the inability to communicate and express emotions effectively, even within ourselves, (at least thats how I understand it) rather than the lack of emotions all together. We're not devoid of emotions, we just prefer a logical framework for our thinking, and put emotions on the sidelines. In other words, we tend to be emotionally immature in my opinion, opting almost always to deal with all life's issues without emotions if at all possible. I understand how I can come off as cold-hearted though.

And furthermore, just because I cannot always effectively communicate or express emotions, I don't believe I should be dismissed from emotional burdens or expectations. This would worsen my condition. What I mean by this is, dont just let someone off the hook for everything just because of alexithymia. It's a condition that needs to be recognized, worked on, and managed. It is not a never ending excuse.

So be understanding, but we're still functional people, and if your significant other is not fullfulling your emotional needs, and not even trying to improve on this, I think its best to move on.

28.03.2020 by DreaHEY

I am new to this platform and I don't know exactly how to work it lol but I feel like I have been struggling with emotions a lot and I wanted to know what I am really experiencing. So if anyone can help me, here you go...

I am a young 16 year old girl, I just turned 16 in February. I am a pentecostal Christian and have found life and purpose in Christ. I play guitar on my worship team and I make friends easily, sometimes, maybe most times? It is not hard for me to befriend a person.

When I was a child, I was very emotional, outgoing and authentic. I am usually described as very talented but I have always had an issue with "negative feelings" like saddness or anger. I had so many anger problems throughout elementary. I experienced so much bullying from it and I even turned into a bully because I wanted to fit in. There is no doubt in my mind that during this time, I had happy moments but I just wanted to die. I would constantly get spanked, get yelled at, get detention, or just plain, get in trouble. All. The. Time.

I was very depressed, until middle school. My mood and mannerisims did a "one-eighty". I was making manny friends and I hardly ever cried. Yet at one certain moment, I remember, I was sitting in my room thinking about random stuff, doing nothing. Just letting my imagination run wild. However, I think I was still depressed as I know most of them were very saddening. Then I realized, looking back on my "happy momments" I never really felt happy, I just expressed it, if you know what I mean. That was my breaking point and I always struggled with that thought.

I began to move during the summer leading into 8th grade and I became very, very depressed to where I was constantly suicidal. I was then given my 3rd time in counseling and it helped a lot, until now. I don't even know where I am. I feel like I am relapsing, only that I recognize my apathy getting worse. I was okay with it for a little because it helped me be more outgoing but now it is taking over. The only emotions I can really recognize are anger, saddness, or maybe even laughter. Only because those emotions ellicit undeniable, physical responses. Sometimes, I might feel a feeling within me, a calming one but one that comes in different emotions or "colors". Sometimes, it will elicit tears, or a smile or even just comfort. Sometimes I can describe it as love or some kind of combination of emotions but overall, it confuses me and others who I try to describe it to. I do struggle with sexual sin and just about anything that can make me "feel" an emotion, which is why most times I let myself be mad or sad or egg it on more. I have come across many similar "diagnosis" like depersonalization or depression but I just don't know what to separate. Like, am I still growing into my personality? I know I am and I know we never stop growing but for my age, as told by many, I am "wiser" than most kids my age. I was told this by adults, even my own counselor.

But nevertheless, I experience physical emotion but I have always had a hard time explaining or not getting frusterated with questions that involve my opinion. Most times, my answers are "I don't know" or "I don't care". Even to extremely sad situations. I have described it before as if they are running through to my face without a trace inside my heart. Like they are in a cage and I don't have the key or I am just detatched from reality. Like I am watching my own body doing things from behind my eyes. I am just very confused and I'd just like some opinions to bring clarity. I have been praying about this and I think the Lord led me to this website for a reason. Thank you for taking your time to read this, if you did, it means a lot.

09.12.2020 by Milkbad

I have read all of the comments here and many of the responses don't sound genuinely like Alexithymia in the way it was broadly to me after I was officially "diagnosed" and as I experience it.

I'm not a health professional obviously, but I can try to explain Alexithymia to you from my point of view and experiences with sex and things like insecurity as well as my experience with over 35 sessions with an Alexithymia and autism specialist.

So with Alexi, it manifests in many ways, but commonly I don't have insight into myself and my emotions or the emotions of others. Just by reading your post [and everyone else who posted] it sounds like you have a fairly strong grasp of your emotional state and personal intuition.

I don't like being touched either, but for reasons outside of Alexi. Being touched is not really off-putting for me, but as I sorted out with my specialist - I don't typically understand the emotion surrounding the reason why someone feels like touching me-. I never was offended or made anyone stop touching me though. It sounds like you may have something else going on there(?)

To me sex is a mundane topic and doesn't really amount to anything important. Seeing that you are offput by sex and think about its affect on you forks from the path of Alexi. During sex for me, there were times i felt logically connected to my GF and what we were doing, but later on would have emotional side affects: sometimes hours, or days later. One example was having sex and then waking up at 4am with a crazy urge to have sex even though I was physically satisfied.

I talked with my specialist thoroughly about insecurity as it was a large point of interest for him. Typically I don't really feel insecure per say, but insecurity for me manifests in different ways with delayed emotion. I also don't really experience anxiety about things like the thoughts of sex or people touching me. It would seem to me that if you are noticing these things about yourself so easily, it would not be Alexithymia, and if it was, it would be a more mild case.

As I mentioned above Alexi can manifest in many different forms and magnitudes, but typically all forms have a few obvious variables. One of them is lack of emotional insight, in yourself and other people such as facial and social cues etc. [you mentioned that you picked up on people liking you so that one doesn't make sense to me much]. Another is some sort of manifestation of your emotional issues without recognizing it [you recognize that you are angry and think you know how and why so you seem self-aware]. One of the last major common "traits" is some sort of discomfort that can be regularly occurring. [Chronic pain, rapid heart rate, panic, confusion - none of which you mentioned].

I would say that what you are experiencing is relatively "normal" in comparison to what I experience and work through regularly. In fact, you sound like you have a relatively normal reaction to things. I have read that it is common for women to have anxieties and fears about sex, for example.

My specialist also told me that typically most people who have Alexi, have had trauma in the past most of the time. Emotional trauma or neglect being foremost. For me, we think it was because I suffered from some TIA's as a child from my brain developing both sides at the same time [these TIA's were documented] or possibly from the physical and emotional trauma of a venomous snakebite I had as a child, where I lost an appendage and a lot of bodily sensation in several areas.

You would need to see a specialist to know for sure, but I think your descriptions, and most of the comments on this post don't really describe the issues of Alexithymia. Just my thoughts.

11.03.2022 by sharpie

Mind my English as it's not my first language, I need to understand more about Alexithymia so I can understand myself a bit better - my test result is 159 and I wasn't so sure how accurate the result is.

I'm 25y/o female, neglected as an infancy and mentally/sexually abused.
I was raped 3 times in my teens and molested as a child, I felt physically pain but my emotionally and mentally are not responsive to it unlike two of my cousins who cried and tried to committed suicided several time over it, another reported the police and fallen into depression when the case were dropped. I have no guilts/remorse, lack of empath, I can't cry due my childhood abuse but I do cry when I overwhelm.
I was in a relationship with a woman, I never loved her and she knew that, I stayed with her for 4 years because I felt safe. I can't understand why people said "I miss you". I don't want to be a mother because I know I won't be able to love my children, I'm competitive but I'm not playful and I'm struggling to interact with children and I don't want to be in a relationship because I know I'm hard work.
Out of nowhere that bloke come into my life have same interests as mine, how rare is that and he is not affectionate which is things easier for me! But after dating a several months now, he start to complaining about how I don't understand his feelings, it's like he is talking to a wall and I'm cold, with a poker face to literally everything and I don't have sense of humour because I don't laugh to his jokes. I have a dark humour, I like pain because it is only emotion I can truly understand and responsive. I laugh when someone is crying, or in pain. My nickname is Ice Queen. I understand anger and frustrating (my throat is tighten) and I recently felt really happy once when I was in an island of Philippines with not many people were around with very poor network.
Sorry for a long message! When I wrote this down and I realise I might have some trait of psychopath or narcissistic?