How to live with Alexithymia?
11.02.2020 by ZoeJen
I have just recently found out what my condition which has been lasting for several years now is called.
However, as I have been through an extremely violent and abusive relationship which emotionally and mentally damaged me alongside with growing up in a very unhappy and unstable family too, together with a couple of major losses and witnessing traumatic events, I believed that the way my emotions were suddenly 'cut off', unreachable and alien to me was because of coping mechanisms and my brain trying to protect itself from further stress which it certainly wouldn't be able to endure.
This gray state of being only allows me to feel anger and mild paranoia and anxiety, at times. I have morphed from an empath into a person that has completely detached from any sort of emotional response. I am unable to relate to another human being. I don't have a reaction to other people's feelings and I often feel like they're making too big of a deal when they talk about what bothers them.
I logically know that it's ethically wrong and what would be the right thing to do and how to properly react, and I do get by by faking it here and there when it's absolutely necessary, but I feel nothing. People come and go, but it doesn't affect me like it used to. It appears as if they don't even matter and I wonder if I will deep down ever matter to myself again to begin with.
Evidently, we all experience alexithymia differently and everyone lives with it on a unique way, so I am interested in hearing how do you live with it, what do you think of it, how much does it affect your relationships with people and experiencing life?
I found out about this when I was 45. I had been married for 12 years (and still am) and before that had a live-in relationship for 11 so obviously at least some of us are able to make long-term connections.
With my husband he knew I was having mental health issues and I had a hard time explaining stuff (without knowing why) because I was up front about it when we got together.
I've always been like this although gradually over the years I've improved especially since I've had a partner who has been patient enough to drop issues to let me think on my own and bring up topics multiple times and answer stupid questions. And who I feel comfortable asking stupid questions because nobody wants to feel stupid.
i think we all kind of settle into our lives and the people in our lives see us as a certain type of way. i had a post yesterday about i havent been able to cry or show emotion at funerals when people close to me had passed. as far as the rest of my life goes, i manage to build strong friendships because people see me as someone they can talk to and share with. i try and help and say things that sound like it makes sense and it seems to work.
15.04.2020 by User74504G85
with regard to my marriage, i put alot of it on oh guys are not as emotional as girls and these things dont affect me so much. the strong male character works well for me here coz even with the aforementioned funerals i have been told by cousins "you must be strong for everyone, they need you to help them through" so i pretty much get by pretending to me this emotionally strong man that has everything together
I sometimes cry but only from when I am overwhelmed and angry. Things that make people sad when they cry doesn't affect me. I am friends with almost everyone in my school but I don't really care about any of them. I don't feel a connection with any of my family. When others explain their emotions I feel like they are overreacting and when I explain how I feel I can never really explain it right. Every night I lay awake thinking to myself about how I feel. I have always felt this way and in the past I have considered having bipolar 2 disorder. I am only 12 so no one takes me seriously and I don't want to self diagnose myself with anything but my emotions have had a huge impact on my life. Every minute that I am awake feels like endless torture. I've thought about doing stupid things and have done some of them occasionally. I've lost good people that i cared about because I can't control how I feel. I don't know what to do.