31.01.2021 by xAveryx
I'm not sure if I really have alexithymie or if it's just something else. Btw I identify as ace, even though I don't know if it's because of the same reason why I'm now questioning if I have Alexi.
I don't really have problems with identifying other people's emotions and I think i can identify mine fairly well. What I am struggling with is understanding why they feel these emotions and feeling them myself.
When imagining that my mother or my close friends could die, I don't feel any sadness or desperation or anything at all. When I was younger, I more so felt bad that I didn't feel anything. And when my grandfather died, I also didn't feel any emotions. I only cried because I saw my mother being in despair and the display of emotions made me feel something too.
Generally, I don't feel anything when I see documentaries about refugees or people who struggle with other situations and I don't know why because I know that I should feel bad.
In my daily life I also don't have many "extreme" emotions, I'm neither sad nor happy, just normal / content and many things don't really bother my. That's why my mother said I was emotionally cold as a rock. But I noticed that I can feel more extreme emotions when I read books where the protagonists grieve because of a terrible loss or smthing else. So it isn't something i CAN'T feel. But in reality or with real people I never feel these emotions.
I don't know if it's because I have alexi or because I build an emotional wall inside of me. The Alexithymia Test said, I had 130 points btw. Maybe you could help me with these thoughts..:)